Speaking Truth Without Starting Wars: The Art of Difficult Conversations with Dan Wallace
Most leaders know they need to be having difficult conversations. Very few know how to do it without triggering a war.
In this week's episode of Fearful Giants, I sat down with Dan Wallace, a veteran business leader, Harvard MBA, and one of the earliest EOS implementers in the world. Dan has spent decades working alongside founders and executive teams, helping them break through the barriers that hold them back from reaching their full potential.
Dan and I have known each other for over 14 years. We've had some of the most honest, heartfelt conversations I've had with another man. He's one of those rare guys who's willing to go beyond surface-level business talk and actually talk about what matters: fear, identity, mortality, and what it means to lead well.
Dan Wallace is a veteran EOS implementer who has helped hundreds of leadership teams get clear, aligned, and honest with each other. He's known for his ability to help people say the things they're afraid to say, and to do it in a way that strengthens relationships instead of destroying them.
“Assume good intent, then ask a question… whatever you disagree about, there’s actually a reasonable chance they may be right.”
In this episode, we talk about:
The most common fear Dan sees across all the companies he works with
Why we learn as kids never to say anything that might hurt someone's feelings
How that fear shows up in leadership teams and costs companies millions
The seven simple words that can defuse almost any conflict
Speaking from the "unarguable position" and why it works
• How changing your language changes the biology of conflict
My Key Takeaways from This Conversation with Dan:
1. Most of us are terrified to say anything that might hurt someone's feelings.
We learn this as kids, and we bring it into the workplace. The result? Leadership teams don't tell each other the truth. They talk about each other at the water cooler instead of to each other in the meeting. That fear costs companies everything.
2. Seven words can change the game: "Assume good intent, then ask a question
Instead of getting mad and telling someone they're doing it wrong, start with the assumption that they might actually be right. You just don't understand why yet. Say: "I'm a little confused. It seems like you're doing this, and I don't understand why. Can you tell me?"
3. Speaking from the "unarguable position" defuses conflict.
You have every right to your thoughts and feelings. They exist in your head, and you can't not have them. But you don't have the right to blame others for them. Instead of saying "You're attacking me," try "I'm having the thought that you're attacking me, and I don't know if I'm right." That shift changes everything.
4. Your words change the biology of conflict.
When you say "You're attacking me," you trigger the fight-or-flight mechanism in the other person's limbic system. They put up barriers. They take a shot back. Now you're at war. Change the words, and you change what happens in both people's brains.
5. Understanding cause and effect is what helps Dan rise when fear drags him down.
Dan spent his entire adult life in the world of insight. When things aren't working, there's an underlying truth that explains it. If you can get to that truth, you can figure out why things don't work and make changes. It's about treating yourself as the project.
This conversation with Dan reminded me that leadership isn't just about strategy and execution. It's about being brave enough to tell the truth, and skilled enough to do it in a way that people can actually hear.
Whether you're a founder, an executive, or just someone trying to navigate tough conversations in your life, there's something in this episode for you.
Listen to the full conversation:
Connect with Dan Wallace:
Email: dan.wallace@eosworldwide.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/danwallace1/
Connect with Clay stelzer:
Website: https://15sixty.com/
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/claystelzer
Email: info@15sixty.com
Resources Mentioned:
EOS (Entrepreneurial Operating System)
If you have a topic or guest you'd love to see on Fearful Giants, reach out to me at info@15sixty.com
Clay
#Leadership #DifficultConversations #EOS #BusinessLeadership #CommunicationSkills #LeadershipDevelopment