When Life Doesn’t Go According to Plan
Things rarely go according to plan.
You can have the best strategy in the world, a clear vision of where you’re headed, and still wake up one morning with a completely different set of cards on the table.
That’s just part of being human.
One of my past guests on Fearful Giants, Sarah Laird, referenced the saying: “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.”
That one always lands for me. Because whether you’re leading a company or just trying to live a decent life, eventually something shows up that you didn’t plan for.
A market shift. A key employee leaving. A personal loss. A health scare.
Something arrives that interrupts the story you thought you were living.
I’ve had that experience firsthand recently. I had surgery to remove a small mass from my bladder, and the pathology came back as cancer. Thankfully it was non-invasive and caught early, and the surgery removed it successfully.
Still, hearing those words changes how you see things.
It also puts a pretty sharp spotlight on a distinction I’ve thought about for years:
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
Pain is part of life. But suffering often shows up when we start arguing with reality - wishing things were different instead of learning how to live with what’s actually here.
In this episode, I talk about:
What it’s like to receive unexpected news about your health
Why leaders tend to skip over their emotions instead of feeling them
The importance of mourning the version of life you thought you were going to have
How curiosity can open the door to something new after disruption
How to make “life is happening for me, not to me” a practice, not just a saying
My Key Takeaways From This Experience
1. Pain is inevitable. Suffering comes from resisting reality.
Something painful is bound to happen at one time or another. A diagnosis, a business setback, a loss you didn’t see coming… The pain itself is unavoidable, but suffering often comes from wishing the situation were different instead of learning how to live with what’s actually here. Acceptance doesn’t mean you like it. It simply means you stop fighting reality.
2. You can’t skip the emotional part.
One of the habits I see in leaders - and one I’m guilty of myself - is jumping straight to solutions. We want to fix the problem immediately. But emotions don’t move on the same timeline as strategy. Fear, sadness, anger - those things have to move through your system before real clarity shows up.
3. Sometimes you have to mourn the life you thought you were going to have.
When something unexpected happens, it often changes the future you imagined. Part of moving forward is acknowledging what you’re letting go of. For me, one small example is cigar time with the guys. If you know me, you know I love a really good cigar with friends. For years this has been a ritual. I get together with my dearest friends, we stop what we’re doing, sit around a table or campfire and connect over a cigar. While this may seem insignificant, or even unnecessarily indulgent to many, this has been a meaningful part of my life. There’s a decent chance that part of my life is over now. In the grand scheme of things that’s a really small sacrifice. But it’s still something to recognize and release.
4. Curiosity is where growth begins.
After the emotional processing, there’s a question that becomes useful: How might this be happening for me, not just to me? That question isn’t about pretending everything is positive. It’s about curiosity. Life moves in cycles: things end, and something new eventually grows in the space that opens up. Sometimes it just takes time to see it.
5. Leadership is about meeting reality as it shows up.
One of the reasons I started Fearful Giants is because leaders rarely talk about these moments. We talk about fears, doubts, insecurities. Leadership is full of moments where reality interrupts your plan. The real test isn’t whether those moments will happen - it’s how you meet them when they do.
Listen to the full episode:
If you know a founder, CEO, or executive leader who would be willing to talk honestly about the fear behind leadership, send me their name.
Clay